Mexico
by ar-men66
Summary: After the divorce, a phone call can change a life. AU. First story published. R&R please. The sequel is now available, I Can't Lose You Again.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Mexico 

Disclaimer: all credits to the talented Mrs. Proulx, no infringment intended, no commercial use.

Notes: this is my first fiction, or better the first finished one. My mother tongue is not English, although i've studied it since i was 8. This piece has been written originally in English, unbetad, without emulating the "cowboy speech" i've noticed in other works. Feedback is absolutely welcomed, but please be gentle and remember this is my first attempt.

**This is not a new update, I've re-posted chapter 1 with typing and grammar corrections after my Beta, Carol - who started working on this fic from ch. 2 – has finished her work on it. I hope it will be easier to read it now.**

**Thanks to all those who read Mexico, I assure I'm working on next part, unfortunately work is at his highest peak for me and Carol has a family meeting. **

Chapter 1

Mexico.

Mexico was the most horrible word.

The one he once heard, spoken behind the barn of Jim Hilton's ranch, where the four hired men were sleeping.

They talked about young gals with dark hair and pretty boys with white teeth, always smiling.

They said that chicos were sometimes better skilled than women, surely better than sheeps, during the long months up on the mountains.

Ennis held his breath to remain invisible. So what happened to him and Jack in the summer of '63

was not so strange. He knew those men, had shared a lot of work with them in the past few

weeks, and nobody would dare to call one of them "queer", for fear of their hostile reaction. He felt better knowing he wasn't the only one partial to asses, so alone, but with an important difference: his Jack was not one of those boys, and they have kept the affair for more than a

decade. There must be something stronger between him and Rodeo, something he can't dare to properly understand but more than simply sex.

And now the same word, for the second time, from the voice of the wife.

Jack's wife.

Ennis called Childress on Wednesday, the evening after Jack showed up in Riverton, following the news of the divorce, and remained there for half an hour, maybe.

Dinner with his daughters was difficult, his mind was travelling with Jack back home and trying to prove why Jack was wrong in believing they could have a life together. The girls talked a lot about school and all those girly things, so his silence went mostly unnoticed.

He dreamed a lot during the night, dark images and strange sounds, but nobody was in the dream.

Next evening he heard the breaking news on TV, a terrible car crash near the Colorado-New Mexico border, an 18 wheeler full of chemicals versus 8 cars, early in the morning, lots of injured

people and five bodies, burned not recognizable. He did the math; Jack could have been there.

After that dream, he was really afraid Jack was there.

One single truck ... among one hundred, one thousand trucks running along the same piece of Interstate toward the South. But Jack was surely tired, after driving 14 hours to reach Riverton, and facing 14 more to get back.

He has always been a very good driver, making frequent stops and with a truck much better than his own.

But Ennis remembered those blue eyes, full of pain only yesterday and the way Jack turned to reach the driver's door, walking with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

And it was Ennis who had put that damned weight on him.

Ennis grabbed a beer, tried to drink it but the taste was bitter, in the end he left the open bottle on the counter and went into town.

He stopped near the phone booth and looked around; nobody was on the street, the whole town was eating supper in the privacy of their homes.

Ennis felt relieved for the privacy and took from his wallet a small piece of paper, folded behind a picture of Junior and Jenny.

He knew the number written on it by heart, but the first time he grabbed the phone his hand was shaking. He tried to steady himself, breathed deeply twice, tried again and then decided to leave, but his feet refused to move. When he closed his eyes and remembered a smiling face, his fingers found the target and dialed the number without hesitation.

The voice of a woman, strong and with an affected accent.

"Twist residence"

"Sorry ma'am, I'd like to talk to Jack Twist".

"Who 's speaking?"

"Ennis del Mar, from Wyoming."

"You're Jack's fishing buddy? Sorry, he's not here."

Ennis felt relieved, imagining Jack safe and happy drinking beer somewhere, because his wife wasn't worried at all.

"He come home this morning, got something from his office and then two hours ago headed for a

sudden business trip to Mexico. Just across the border of ... Should be back in two or three days.

I'll tell him you called. Any message?"

"Oh...no...well, please tell him I heard about the big car crash."

"Yes, Jack heard it too, said he was lucky to leave Colorado very early. Good bye Mr. Del Mar"

"Goodbye"

Ennis was listening to the woman but his mind focused only on that ugly word.

Mexico. Fuck the business trip.

Fuck Jack, too. Liar!

He was only a cowboy, but not so stupid: Mexico was easy, beer, tequila and those boys and Ennis felt his gut ache from a sudden pain.

He threw a fist against the glass of the door and shattered broke it. He retrieved his hand

looking at the small rivulets of blood forming; the skin was bruised everywhere.

No pain, no sensations at all, like it belonged to somebody else.

Ennis saw his blurred reflection on a metal panel outside the booth and his face was upset.

He reached the truck and started driving north. It was always his escape route, nearer

Brokeback mountain and his memories of Jack.

He felt a foolish man, he was so worried about Jack and the car crash and now.. the worst news of all. The wife in Childress was not important, only a cover for Society; Jack was still living there

only for his son. Ennis was glad that the marriage was not happy, as Jack always said, and he took pride in the knowledge that for Jack he was the only one, had built his own life on this premise after their reunion in 1967.

But now, he had to face the reality. Jack and another man in a room with a low light, a bed with dirty sheets and the sound of a band from the half opened window.

The smell of dogs and tacos; people laughing in the street, the pretty gals shouting to the American boys.

And Jack lying naked on a bed, looking at a young man with a big smile, already bare chested and with his hands on the belt, Jack closing his eyes, the man now fully naked, touching Jack's shoulder, to make him turn on all fours, and then ... Ennis' vision went black and the truck skidded.

Ennis hit the brake just in time to avoid the fence on the right side of the road.

He leaned over the wheel and tried to breathe.

It was impossible. It couldn't be true. Jack was his, and his only. No foreign chico was allowed to

touch that silky skin, to put his lips on Jack's lovely mouth, and more important to caress the globes of that ass. Ennis was getting crazy, he never felt like this, neither when Alma cut him out from the conjugal bed, nor when he and Jack parted at the end of the first summer

His hands were shaking and his pulse was too fast to count the beats.

The pain felt all those years ago – when their summer together ended - was nothing if compared to this betrayal, it was the end of a dream, of his life as well.

He had been a fool and now was paying the price, realizing that he never fully understood Jack, his desires and his needs.

The vision returned and now Jack was under that man, who was thrusting with his hips and touching the chest, stroking in all the places Jack liked the most; then the man turned his head and looked at Ennis.

"So lovely..how you feel now that he is mine? You not worth of him"

Ennis suddenly retched on the wheel feeling the nastiest worst men on earth; the smell was ugly and he rolled down the window and leaned back on the seat.

I must do something, he thought, I got no wife, no home, no good job, and now I'm losing Jack.

He cursed himself for not letting Jack stay the day before, maybe only for one night, just to ease this pain now.

Jack could pass as a friend in town for business, sleeping on the couch after getting drunk, maybe eating out with him and the girls. He imagined the charm of those blue eyes falling on Junior and Jenny. One night together, and then explaining to Jack once more why they could not

have their own ranch. One night in his bed, Jack sweaty and panting under him, not under some cheap whore boy. After making love, cuddled in Jack's arms, he could relax and massage his little darling, repeating in his mind, again and again, those loving words.

"Jack, I swear ... you're the only one."

He felt the usual desire burning, God he needed Jack, hadn't fully realized it before now, before having proof of the need. That man was the most powerful drug in the world for Ennis Del

Mar. He was addicted, entirely and - the world be damned - cannot live without him. Nobody else was like Jack for him, Alma only a pale substitute for the strong body of that man.

It was all his fault, what Jack always asked was to stay together, maybe at first in the same town, later in the same house and Ennis always denied his simple request. It seemed clear now that he had denied Jack too much, and now it was too late.

There was a brand on that body, Ennis del Mar's brand, written in capital letters and Jack had better to realize it very soon, because Ennis del Mar was not inclined to let somebody trespass on his territory.

It was time to do something, and fast.

He cleaned the truck with a rag and headed straight home. Sleep came quickly and was blessed, now that he had a purpose; Mexico was not as great as Wyoming in his mind and he would find his man, at the cost of searching all the bars around the border, and more.

Before the first morning light Ennis put a bag stuffed with clothes and something to eat in the

truck, went to the ranch to talk to the foreman, cursed when the man fired him and started South.


	2. Chapter 2

Mexico

Chapter 2

Disclaimer: see chapter 1

I want to thank a lot of people, first of all my marvellous beta-reader, Carol, who helped with a lot of suggestions and with patience found all my mistakes. Then the people who left a review, all of them, you really warmed my heart. And last but not least, my friends at LJ and DC forum.

Thanks again, here is chapter 2.

Enough driving for a lifetime, he thought, closing the door of the truck with a loud bang.

Evening and Ennis was tired no breaks, eating a sandwich with the right hand and keeping the left on the wheel, stopping only for fuel and a short piss, praying God in Heaven to let his old truck live until Mexico.

The daytime weather was dry he bought six bottles of water and placed them one at a time on the passenger seat, taking frequent sips He kept open the large road map with a big red arrow scratched on it pointing to the final destination.

At sunset he crossed the border completely unnoticed, nobody paid attention to him. He felt alone. Nobody paid any more attention to him than years ago when Ma & Pa died in that accident and his other relatives dumped him.

He was really alone without Jack and would be so from now on, if he didn't start the search soon.

Ennis did not bother to make a plan during the trip, thought to rely on his instincts only, but now there was a long street full of open bars and he had no idea how to start. "Where" was easier, just open the first door on the right side, then the second, and so on until the end of the road, then turn and start with the left side.

But maybe those special places were not so visible, Ennis realisedand stopped near the post office; he parked the truck and lit a cigarette.

And these Mexicans seemed to be tall and big men, not the typical image of the poor tiny farmer, men ready to stomp somebody who asked the wrong questions at the wrong time.

Ennis was looking for somewhere hidden, so so he got the idea to act like he was "that" kind of man and let the boys find him.

He started to walk slower, changing his posture somehow, swaying his hips a little – remembering how Jack sometimes mimicked the walk of a woman - trying to open himself up and breathe freely, like a man now in his dream place.

After just 20 steps it was not so difficult to pretend to be a queer Ennis checked around under the brim of his hat and noticed a whore with a short black dress in front of a bar. The woman called to him and when he did not answer turned toward two men sitting outside.

"Hombre por Justino"she mocked.

Ennis ignored the comment but stored the name, it could be useful in his plan later.

He was sure people were watching his every move; fear was entering in his body – it's not the right place, it's too late, I'll never find him –but although his heart pushed painfully against his ribs his feet kept moving.

Ennis was near a rounded square when he noticed a small side street and two boys near a black door; following his gut he turned and looked around; the street was not too dark and the boys seemed young, maybe teens, thin and unless they were professional boxers he would be able to run away in case of trouble. One of the boys entered the building as soon as Ennis approached.

"Got a light?" he asked the other, showing a cigarette.

"Yes senor" the boy answered offering a match.

"Thanks."

"De nada Senor" He doused the small flame with a wrist flick.

Ennis waited, trying desperately to think of something to say; he was sure the contact was right, but what do queers say, what's on their minds when they want a fuck?

His brain was burning because that damned vision was coming back, the boy now with Jack's cock in his mouth. No! Ennis spit out the cigarette and gave a sidelong glance to the boy.

"You here alone? No girl tonight?"

"No Senor. Meet my friends now. Amigos de Miguel." Ennis was sure the boy, Miguel, was interested.

"They are here?"

"Here and in Texas senor, many Americans. Come see my friends?"

"Ok." So easy, in the end.

Ennis followed carefully Miguel through the door behind him. They entered a small square court courtyard, invisible from outside. There were only a few lights coming from small windows then Miguel walked toward a corner, opened another door and together they reached a long building with a porch on the front. Ennis stored in his memory the escape route, he was trying to be his usual self inside and while pretending to be the kind of men he still despised – although he did really love a man – outside.

Only for Jack, he repeated again and again to find him and take him away as soon as I can, and after to bang his head against the truck door, because he's so stupid and so am I.

There was music and a soft light coming from an open door Miguel entered and was greeted by the customers.

It was a small bar, rectangular and covered with brown wood panels for half of the wall and painted in dark white on the ceiling. Ennis scanned the people, three middle aged Mexicans watching a soccer game on a black and white television; the bartender was a black man totally bald, sweat was shining on his head.

Ennis saw the place as it really was. A brothel. May his late mother forgive him, this time he was sure to see on his forehead the red mark of sin.

Miguel asked him what he wanted.

"Beer."

"We sit over there" He went for a small table in the corner.

"Justino, dos corona." Miguel addressed the black man.

Ennis was suddenly interested, it was the same name mentioned by the whore He felt better now because there was a good chance to find his target.

"So**,"** - Miguel was looking at him – **"**you like our friends?**"**

"Yeah, got a few friends up north, too".

"Where are you from?"

"Wyoming, but I work in Texas. Childress."

The meaning of the place went lost, better try something else, Ennis thought.

Justino approached them with two beers and Miguel did the introductions.

"Salud Ennis," said the black man, and Ennis noticed how his shirt strained against the broad chest, that man was built like a bull; he imagined in a blur of rage the dark hands touching Jack... No, better keep on with the role.

"Lots of guys come here to have fun,**"** Justino said, sizing up Ennis as a potential buyer would have done for a horse at the fair.

"Nice place here", Ennis agreed, "no noises noise, no women shouting".

"Muchachas are so boring" Justino added, "and our friends got places to sleep here, also. Hey Rolando. Finished?" He said greeting a tall young man entering from the back door.

Rolando handed him something green tightly rolled up and Justino put it away in the back pocket of his trousers.

Ennis imagined it was the payment for a fuckRolando's forehead was sweaty and the shirt wet under the armpits.

He took a seat at their table and looked at Ennis, who felt uncomfortable but offered to buy him a beer.

They went outside Rolando searched in his pocket for a pack of cigarettes and Ennis took one with trembling hands.

They didn't need many words, Rolando said he wanted to thank Ennis for the beer, Ennis agreed and the boy said there was a private place upstairs. To use it Justino wanted a gift. Ennis said it was ok for him, but his mind was spinning.

Rolando gave him a questioning look and used his professional voice.

"No need to be afraid sir, it will be good."

Yeah, it will be good to run away and never look back, what am I supposed to do, really fuck him? For heaven's sake, he's not what I want not what I need, time to stop pretending and search the truth instead.

"You want something else to smoke?"

Never tried a drug before, but Ennis imagined briefly he could take it and forget the world outside him forget the demons inside his head forget Jack, too.

Rolando opened the door of a room on the first floor, similar to the one Ennis had in the vision, only without sounds from the street and with an acrid smell. He sat on a small bed and invited Ennis in.

Ennis entered leaving the door a little ajar. Closing it would be a proof that he was really going into the room of a whore; with an easy way out he could pretend every other way.

"Listen boy, I want only info from you. I'll pay you double, ok?

"Senor? You not like me?"

Rolando undid the two top buttons of the shirt, opened his legs a bit and licked his lips.

Ennis hold back his uneasiness at seeing the boy shamelessly showing his good assets.

He had no time to think, to compare him with Jack, to imagine to touching that bare body.

"Stop! I'm searching for a friend, it's important. We had a fight and I'm sure he's here. The money here, look!"

Rolando straightened himself and changed his fuck-me-face as soon as he saw the bills.

"Ok for me. No fuck, no work. The money first."

He grasped the dollars from Ennis and counted them greedily.

"How's he look?"

"Tall, dark hair, blue eyes, a black hat. Always smiles a lot."

Ennis realised at once those were the first words Jack spoke about his baby boy down in Texas in during their reunion, four years after that magic summer.

"Seen him before, was here earlier, then go out with Jose. Room first left at the top of the stairs."

Ennis moved with the speed of the lightening.


	3. Chapter 3

Mexico

Disclaimer: see chapter 1

Thanks again to my Beta – Carol King – for precious help and suggestions. Thanks to all of you who read and posted a review. This is a very hard time at work for me, so updates aren't fast. And please remember, English is not my first language, I'm from North Italy, although this story has been written directly in English.

Here is chapter 3.

Jack went South with the cruise control on, his mind was disconnected but his eyes, hands and feet worked together controlling steering wheel and pedals. The truck followed obediently, it seemed to know the road by memory.

Afterwards, he did not remember anything of that journey, only feelings of emptiness like he never felt before and tears falling on his shirt.

He parked at 2 a.m. near a gas station in the middle of nowhere and took a short nap. The first ray of light and the sound of cars on the road woke him; it was 6 a.m. and he went into the station. Looking at the pumps, he thought to crash the truck full of gas against something with himself in it and wait for the big fire that would surely burn everything. And for the blessed peace that surely would follow. Nothing more for him to lose on earth.

But he was not man enough to end his life, always clinging to every tiny bit of hope. There was Bobby at home to live for and Ennis said "see you in a month", so why give up?

But he was lonely and sad, needed simply a human touch, a face to share his dreams with, a body to warm the chill of nights spent in the same bed with Lureen.

Words and touches of affection were memories of the past between them, after his reunion with Ennis in Riverton Jack become careful in slowing their intimacies, avoiding therefore another child.

Thank God, Lureen never was inclined to repeat the pregnancy experience.

For Jack, a son was enough. Being himself an only child, he felt a special connection with Bobby.

Jack put too much faith into the news of divorce, it was hard to acknowledge that for Ennis his daughters were more important than him.

Yesterday, when Ennis refused him, Jack was at a loss for words, the shock was too much and it burned all the hopes he treasured within with a sudden flame.

He remembered every detail of the scene, Ennis' face, the girls looking at them from the passenger window, dry grass and empty fields all around.

It was still early for sowing, the land was sterile and his life, too.

Thinking a lot about Ennis now was too painful, his mind refused to linger on it.

Jack was reaching his destination when the sign "Childress 25" appeared at a crossroad; he felt trapped again.

He was back with Lureen, LD and his work, all meaningless things.

His only joy in Texas was his son, his pride, too. It didn't matter to him if Bobby was not able to read perfectly, nobody from Twist family ever attended college.

That boy was so like him that LD sometimes treated Bobby as a stranger, not his own grandson. It seemed that the old man had the desire to erase everything reminding him of Jack Twist from his daughter and his home.

LD stored a deep hatred for Jack and after so many years the desire to leave everything behind and start a new life with Ennis was stronger than ever, quite unbearable.

Someday Jack and Bobby would go away and the old bastard would become the luckiest man on earth; Bobby could be happier living on a ranch, would learn much more from the animals than from hundreds of school books.

He pictured a brand new room for his kid in a house shared with Ennis, but it was only a dream, an illusion for a fool.

For Ennis I'm nothing, for me he's my life... Jack wanted to scream his rage at the top of his lungs, if only to ease the burden that started growing since his departure from Riverton and now, hundreds of miles after, was ready to crush him.

He finally entered Childress, 5 minutes from home.

His cheeks felt hot, there was sweat on his forehead and under his palms, the wheel became slippery.

Shit, what will I tell them? I'm back before I planned. She'll read my face like a book and LD, too. Both will laugh at me, cannot stay here, not now, too soon. Gotta hide somewhere for a few days, lick my wounds and find a new face to meet the world.

Jack needed to drink something soon, get lost in the confusion of a strange and new place, stop the words fighting in his mind.

The answer to his turmoil was simple, he cursed himself for not thinking of it before.

Where people with money could buy everything.

Where nobody listened to words spoken in a different language.

Where lots of rodeo men went to drink till they got drunk and to fuck without care.

Mexico..

Please add you opinion, thank you. Next update will be after July, 21…sorry but work for me is really terrible and I have to send next chapter to my Beta in any case.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Mexico.

Chapter 4.

Disclaimer: see ch. 1

Special thanks as always to my dear Beta Carol, for her help and her patience.

Thanks to all of you who read and write your opinion. You are so impostant for me!

Sorry for the delay, but real life mixed with this story, both for Carol and me.

I assure next chapters are ready, but it's holiday time.

--------------------------------------------------

Ennis was ready to break open the door, but it wasn't looked and opened easily at his first push. The room was dark except for two half burnt candles on a table; their smell lingered in the air.

While his eyes were adjusting to the faint light, he saw the silhouette of a man moving and then more light from the bulb on the ceiling. His rage lessened a bit.

"Jack?" he asked, blind for a second with the sudden change, while the man turned towards him.

It wasn't Jack, this man had a thin dark moustache and was shorter. He was surely the Mexican, Jose, as Rolando said.

The man was not bothered by the strange intrusion, he stood proudly bare chested near the small untouched bed; the fly of his trousers open. Ennis diverted his gaze. Better not know if...

Things like that happened every day in those brothels, Ennis realised, so he took his time to look at Jose, a strange curiosity to see what kind of man Jack would pick up as a surrogate, a substitute for himself.

Josè was surely a man, not a boy like Rolando; he was dark, his hairs like coal, his skin a mixture of Indian and White. Ennis saw the instinct of a wild animal inside, a snake ready to strike and inject a mortal poison. Eyes were strong and spoke of danger, lust and rage, a man who cared for nobody and was not afraid.

Ennis prepared himself for a fight. Without attracting notice he chouced a little lower.Josè was well built and his broad shoulders revealed strong muscles.

For the love of God, why did Jack choose him? Of every man, why him?

Maybe Jack was really into the queer thing? In the past Ennis never thought a lot about men. Or better about Jack's desire for other men. He believed that desire was for himself only.

He and Jack were different, but not SO different. They both had wives and kids, proof of normality. Not like old Earl, always a bachelor, only his story with Rich.. that killed him in the end.

Ennis wondered if he would be able to accept this side of Jack or at least understand what he had denied since they were both 19. The knowledge that he wanted a man, nothing more, nothing less, although he was good with a woman – had the proof of two kids at home, could have had two or three more, if only Jack Twist had never crossed his path.

He tried to hate Jack, God only know how much he tried, but in the end it was impossible to erase him and the feelings that mere voice stirred in Ennis.

In a flash he saw his darling's search for pain, pickup Josè in the bar downstairs with the secret hope to be hurt and therefore forget the pain of being rejected by Ennis. Pain for pain, it was Jack's destiny, but Ennis decided it was time to change the rule.

"Where is Jack?" Ennis' voice was stronger than he expected.

Jose pointed at the opposite corner of the room. There, curled like a ball, was his precious prize.

Jack wore one of his blue shirt, ripped from neck to middle, buttons lost, traces of blood on a sleeve.

His hair was a mess and there was crusted blood around his nose. Jeans were still on and Ennis sent above a prayer of thanks above.

"Take him away. Good for nothing, only crying and screaming if I touch. Look."

Josè showed his left wrist under Ennis' eyes, it was red and marked with three deep traces of nails.

"He is crazy, drink a lot and gets no hard."

Ennis wanted to punch Jose hard enough to make his face bleed, too, but he clenched his fists and remained still.

Jose spat at Ennis as he left the room, his steps echoing on the stairs loudly.

Finally alone, Ennis slowly approached the man on the floor, softly touching a shoulder.

Jack raised his arm to showe him away. Ennis resisted.

"Go away!" Jack croaked, mixing voice and tears.

He felt horrible, exausted from the long drive, hungry and full of cheap beer, tequila and who knew what else. He remembered being approached by a tall guy in a bar, then a black man and stumbling over stair steps.

From that moment on his memories mixed with a burning poison forced in his throat and the intense smell of a man.

When he felt strong hands touching him, kneading his buttocks and sliding under his shirt aiming for bare skin at first he thought of Ennis and leaned in for a kiss, but a hand cupped his neck and pushed him back.

He tried again and was kept at arm's lenght, so when he opened his eyes and saw dark skin and darker hair – no Ennis – Jack went crazy.

He looked at the room, but it was wrong, they never shared one, except the Siesta Motel, a lifetime ago.

A big hand took one of Jack's and placed it on a male crotch; Jack touched fire when he made contact with a hard dick under denim fabric.

He backed away swiftly and fought against drunkenness. A sudden moment of reality.

That's not what, no no! I want Ennis, I need...

The man stepped forward and grabbed Jack's arm.

"Let me go." He shouted.

"Come on senor, you paid this."

"Let me go!" Jack repeated with more anger.

The man was all over him and tried to push Jack towards the bed.

Jack started to fight with all his strenght, his opponent was shorter but well built, he moved with the grace of a boxer and Jack soon got his nose and head kicked twice.

To stop the fight the man captured Jack's neck and made him turn, so Jack grabbed an arm and used teeth and nails to leave a message sign. The mexican withdrew his injured arm and Jack took refuge behind the bed.He braced himself for another round but nothing happened. With a quick glance he saw the man pouring a bottle over the injury, without moaning.

Now there was another sound in his head, sweeter and like a caress. It was all around him, a real presence and Jack believed he was dreamnig, because that voice belonged to a different world.

The voice called his name.

Jack lifted his head slowly and saw Ennis' face hovering above him.

Ennis knelt near his lover, half of him wanting to slap Jack, half to hold him and never let him go. He took Jack's wrist in his large hands, the skin was soft, he tried the pulse with calloused fingers that felt like little magic stones on Jack.

Jack looked at the place where they touched; warmth was spreading from there, reminding a distant fire under open skies.

Instinct told Jack to grasp harder tthe hand which prevented him from falling into the abyss.

His shame made him look away, to the floor, the wall, his boots, everything except the truth.

It was like a dream come true, Ennis finally made a move, only to find Jack betraying them and what they shared together.

Jack was afraid to move or speak, there was a storm inside him, thoughts running free in his mind and nothing to stop them, except that hand.

Shame disappeared soon and guilt took its place. Yesterday they were together, he gave Ennis proof of his devotion and in the space of a single day he was caught with his dick in the cookie jar.

"Good choice, Twist," he muttered. "The perfect way to fuck up everyting".

Ennis saw emotions passing on Jack's face like waves on the beach.

The idea of losing Jack to another man was unbearable. Driving south Ennis had enough time to realise the depth of his fears, stronger than the memories of old Earl covered in his own blood.

Ennis was happy – Jack could clearly see the joy in that handsome face – but their happines wasn't mean to be of the same kind.

Jack tried to stay calm and sat on the floor.

"Why are you here? he inquired, hoping for a dream but ready to be denied once more.

Jack knew he should be happy because Ennis found him, crossed four states for him.

They could continue their old three-times-a- year-meetings, full of riding horse, explosive sex and sad partings, the same cycle repeating over and over with the rythm of the seasons.This time it was not enough.

The sudden rage he felt became more powerful than previous guilt and Jack wasn't inclined to be ashamed again. Too many bad memories of his father and the way John Twist criticized every choice of his son. Enough was enough.

Ennis took a deep breath and looked startled: why he was here? Weren't his reasons as clear as the summer skies?

Why did Jack always need words? Sometimes for a man it is really hard to talk, but no, Jack Twist wants to dig words from your body like a dentist pulling a tooth. The same pain, too.

He was there for Jack, but all the reasons he wanted to express become a messed up knot.

Ennis found himself unable to speak and if Jack wanted him to do it he was better cutting off the top of Ennis'head and reading directly from his brain.

"For you." He said simply, but it was a statement, not an answer. He was aware of his fears, locked in the deepest part of his soul and mixed with so many regrets to keep at bay that often he woke sweating in the middle of the night."

"Was with you yesterday, too". Jack pointed out.

"Yeah, but you didn't..."

"You mean I went away?"

Ennis nodded. He blamed Jack for leaving Riverton in a hurry and going straight South; it was wrong, but he couldn't help himself

"You threw me out."

"Jack I told you, the girls..." Jack's rage didn't allow him space. Ennis found it hard to compete with the speed of those words.

"Fuck, I'm not a monster! Could let them see me. I wanted to talk, let you know I was on your side."

Supporting Ennis become at the same time the most simple and difficult idea in the world.

Ennis softened a little.

"Sorry Jack, shouldn't let you go away so soon. There was room enough at my place."

"Yeah, room for a quickie then old Jack disappears again, right, Ennis? Isn't that so? You need my ass three times a year and then back to your imitation of a straight life?"

Jack's voice was rising and Ennis' soon followed.

"I always told you there's no life for us, no life at all together! If you do things like this they'll surely kill us."

"I did this thing – as you call it – because I was desperate and alone. I'm the one who drove 14 hours to receive clear NO straight in the face. I was lost up there with you and lost in Texas, too. Can't face Lureen and got no place to hide, so I came here."

He was tired of telling lies.

To Lureen, like he did few hours before, entering her office to explain about the business trip and receiving only a cold glance.

To his mother, pretending that his life was good with a sweet wife and a perfect job.

To himself, the worst at all.

Jack was at the very edge of his control, ready to explode, to bang his head and let the contents out, if only that could make Ennis understand, see the truth for the first time in his life.

"Here with another man, you found company quick."

Ennis let his anger light up his eyes, like burning flames

"It's the right place Ennis, rodeo boys always told me so. But I never – I swear, Ennis – never came here before. Not after Brokeback. Not after Lureen."

Jack understood that only plain and simple truth could satisfy them.

There wasn't time for guilt or rage anymore, what Ennis had done for him was the best gift of all.

Their gazes locked and sent silent messages of sincerity and vows; Ennis felt relieved.

"I believe you."

"That man, I was not able..when he touched me, I imagined it was you. Wanted to kiss you so bad, to feel you in me. I tried to stop him, we fought. You should be happy to know nothing happened."

Ennis had the affirmative answer on his lips, but pushed it back.

He had travelled so far for his own peace of mind and now had to stand the situation and share his own part of the truth.

"I came here because I got mad thinking of you with another man."

"Is that so?"

"Yeah."

Please leave your opinion, thanks!


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Mexico.

Chapter: 5.

Disclaimer: see ch. 1.

Special thanks as always to my lovely and precious Betas Carol and Grace, for their help and their patience. Grazie!

Thanks to everybody who read and wrote a personal opinion! You are so important for me!

This chapter mixed with my holiday in Scotland without computer ... it was a pleasant travel and I met lots of friendly people.

And here's the new chapter!

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Jack was speechless after hearing the truth from his lover's mouth. He searched Ennis' eyes but the blond head was looking stubbornly at the bed. Above the bed there was a small cross, a red stain marking Jesus' chest.

It seemed strange, a symbol of faith in a cheap brothel. Jack remembered his mother reading the Bible, often after dinner, and repeating that God was everywhere. Was she right and was God ready to forgive a sinner like him for loving Ennis too much? He thought about his father's house, ample prairies, wind and the breath of God, praying that a part of that breath would pass over them both, now, to protect their souls and help find a way.

A strong voice, Ennis', woke Jack from his recollections. "Better get out of here. You can drive?"

"Think so."

"I want to recross the border now and find a safe place in Texas."

They left the room quietly and reached a narrow dark path behind the buildings, keeping themselves at a safe distance from Justino and his friends. Ennis was happy they were away from that ugly bar, free from dangers and mixed among lots of people strolling in the night. More confused than two hours before, Ennis checked his watch, it seemed impossible that he spent such a short time in Mexico.

Jack washed his face in a street fountain and scratched well under his nails to clean last traces of Josè. His wet dark hair were glistening in the moonlight, Ennis found himself staring at Jack, he never saw a man more beautiful.

Ennis was aware of his own stone-carved features, his thin lips and dry skin. Nothing special to look at, a tall thirty-something man with ruined hands from hard work and now with no work at all.

Jack was a perfect creature, both the charming prince and the sleeping beauty of his girls' bedtime stories.

Over the years, when they camped together, he spent endless nights looking at him sleeping and touching softly his face, hoping Jack didn't notice. Afterward, back in bed with Alma, he would revisit in silence those sweet memories.

"Where's your truck?" Ennis questioned. He was pressed for time and only wanted to run away.

Jack looked around and gestured somewhere along the main road, so they went to find Ennis' first before searching for the Texas plated one.

They found it in a parking area outside a small cinema, with a trembling light at the entrance, showing an old John Wayne western.

Jack dug around for the keys in his pocket, it was quite a miracle to find them. "I'll follow you," he said before leaving the passenger seat with his gaze averted. There was still something wrong. Ennis saw his lover walking unsteadily, avoiding putting weight on his left ankle and he told himself to check on it later.

Their engines started and Ennis aimed both rear and side mirrors directly on Jack; he didn't want to miss anything, not a single second of Jack, now that he had come so far.

The border crossing went smoothly and Ennis followed his earlier route, the only difference a two-coloured truck behind his.

He felt strange; although he usually enjoyed peace and freedom of driving alone, now he missed company.

How it could be to have Jack at his side, chatting and smiling only for him, discussing the road and and sharing beer from the same bottle? How many little things they could do together and never be done? And most important, whose fault was it? He always told Jack that a life together was impossible but now he didn't know if it was an absolute truth or simply words repeated over and over throughout their ten-year relationship. He believed that repeating something could make it true, like telling Alma "I love you", but after their bitter divorce he wasn't so sure.

Better find a place for the night and forget these strange thoughts. But his mind played against him and kept focusing on the sweet life Jack always talked about. They checked in a comfortable chain motel, the price was high for Ennis but Jack presented his gold credit card and insisted on paying.

He made up the story of a late business trip for the clerk to get only one room and to keep Ennis quiet. The room was clean and fresh with two beds; Ennis collapsed on the nearest. He wanted to sleep so bad and tried to close his eyes but Jack now was ready to talk. Hands stuffed in pockets, teeth tormenting his bottom lip, leaning against the entrance wall. Will that man ever close his mouth?

"So you came for me."

"Told you so."

That man was like a dog with a bone, never leaving it until all the meat was in his mouth and the bone laid bare at his feet.

Jack surely didn't want to miss this moment; somehow he felt Ennis' weakness, maybe because Ennis continued to glance at the side mirror while they were driving. _Was Ennis really afraid to lose him again?_ "From Riverton."

"I live there."

"It's a long drive, you get an expensive fuck."

"Don't want it."

"No fucking? You're a saint Ennis. But you paid somebody down there, didn't you? To get upstairs."

"Yeah, it was only a boy, I paid him to ask about you."

"But it's a sin to pay a man, true?"

A harsh note of sarcasm tinged Jack's voice. "Well now I'm here, don't you want me?"

Words that sounded like Rolando's; Ennis suddenly got up and pushed Jack back roughly, trapping him between the wall and his body. It was good as usual to feel all of Jack pressed against him, but Ennis didn't want sex, now.

Jack moved his hips forward, rubbed against Ennis' still soft dick and started talking in a seductive voice, colored now by a hint of rage. "Come on, you earned it! Look at me, I'm like a whore, you said. I got a man in every town."

Ennis covered that mouth with both his hands, his darling was precious, not a cheap boy. "I don't want that."

Jack took a hand away and placed it on his groin. Ennis felt the familiar contours of Jack's erection and the usual sensation of desire when they were so close and intimate. He rubbed Jack's neck despite his resolve.

"What else you want from me? This is the only thing we got together". Tears were threatening to spill from those blue eyes.

Ennis didn't want to make Jack cry, not the right moment, not the place. Revenge was far from his mind, still fighting with the reasons that led him so far from home.

Ennis looked into Jack's eyes trying to reach his soul. "I need you."

"No Ennis, it's not me you need! It's only my body, nothing more. I'm tired of being with you only for small bites of your life."

"Shut up!" Ennis freed his hand from his lover's crotch and pressed fingers again in Jack's cheeks, harder, going deep with nails, finding the delicate jawbone.

Jack murmured something unintelligible, tried to bite his hand; in the past for them biting was part of foreplay, getting rough and hot together.

Ennis pushed harder ready to break skin, didn't want to hear words, whatever words, was afraid to know the truth now, because it hurt.

His resolve regarding Jack has been deeply shaken in the last 24 hours and could not accept more punches.

In the end Jack gave up, it become difficult for him to breathe; he raised both hands over his head in defeat, eyes pleading and mind praying not to cry.

Ennis let Jack go and without a word turned for the bathroom, where he remained for a long time under the shower. While washing away the smell of Mexico he was sure was glued to him, Ennis rewound the events of the day like a film. He was aware they had to fix their problems very soon, not as distant strangers but looking in each other's eyes. They only had a night to set things right, a night to decide the future of two lives.

Ennis always hated to be forced to do things in a hurry; not his nature, not his style. Tonight was different because tomorrow they would part in separate trucks, that's for sure, one headed East, one North, but to decide if it would be only a temporary parting they had to face this night. The herbal scented soap he found in the bathroom and the abundant hot water falling over his skin were pleasant, he was not accustomed to similar luxuries; since he was a child his education, his family, his marriage always screamed that those pleasures were not meant for Ennis del Mar.

With Jack, he found the greatest joy of all, aside from his girls – and now he understood he denied himself for more than ten years not only the pleasure of Jack's presence in his life but also those little acts of happiness and tenderness every man should experience.

The flow of water took away Ennis' tiredness from a day on the road and also, more slowly, some of his old fears.

After the divorce he was a different man - he realised it with great surprise, although the mirror reflected the same old image of his face – a man who had only one possibility to give a new meaning to his life. And if that possibility was the blue-eyed man in the other room - the world be damned - Ennis del Mar was ready to fight for him.

Meanwhile Jack took off his belt, boots and socks, falling on the left bed, careful of his sprained ankle; he didn't remembered when he injured it, maybe fighting with Josè. Surely in the morning it would be worse, he hoped to wear his boots again, but now he was too tired to get a bag of ice. Earlier, when he saw Ennis entering the room, he felt surprised, excited and worried like never before. While driving behind Ennis' truck he tried to stop the turmoil inside his brain, but there were too many emotions to deal with, his own and Ennis'. Their confrontation in the motel room added only more pain, so it was better to let sleep take care of everything.

Ennis reappeared on the threshold dressed only in jeans, holding his shirt; he looked at the beds, one empty and the other occupied with a sleeping form curled up like a ball. He couldn't be near Jack now, needed to avoid that tempting body for a while, especially if his man was still inclined to play the part of Rolando. Jack's ankle was visibly red and swollen and Ennis took all the ice cubes from the small room fridge, put them in a towel and draped it carefully over the foot. Jack didn't move. Ennis choose the right bed to rest a little bit and the room went silent.

TBC

Please add your opinion.


	6. Chapter 6

Mexico 

Chapter 6

Disclaimers: see chapter 1

As always, thanks to my lovely betas Carol and Grace for their efforts in helping me completing this work.

Thanks to all the readers who waited with patience for the ending of this fiction.

NOTE: this is the end of "Mexico", but I'm working on two new BBM projects, one of them is a possible sequel of this story, but I need your opinion – please - if it is worth doing it before going on.

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Ennis was sleeping lightly when an arm wrapped around his bare chest; he kept his eyes closed but softly intertwined his fingers with Jack's.

Deep in their hearts, they both knew it wasn't possible to sleep apart; Jack felt an obligation to thank Ennis for coming so he got up from his bed to snuggle against the warm body of his man.

"I sleep well in your arms." Ennis murmured.

"Me, too. Three nights in a row without sleeping much."

"You drove too much."

"And you took a big risk with your old truck."

"Was so worried, I heard of the interstate car crash."

"Radio said there were a lot of victims."

"One of them could have been you. I called to be sure and Lureen ..."

Jack swiftly lifted his upper body up to face Ennis. "Wait, you talked with her? With my wife?"

Ennis passed over the word "wife" and especially the possessive "my".

"She answered."

Jack couldn't imagine an Ennis so bold as to make a that call, but thinking about it something must have told him to go South. No way Ennis could have found alone the right direction in a country as big as Mexico.

"Oh God, I can't believe it, she spoke with you after so many years. Sometimes she thinks you are a ghost!"

Ennis turned, there was not enough light to see those blue eyes well but he opened his arms to invite Jack nearer.

"Come here and stop talking about Lureen."

Jack moved fast into the welcoming haven.

" Sorry for shouting before, Rodeo."

"It's all right. Thanks for the ice. It feels better now."

It was good to be so close, after what happened since their last trip, since the divorce and the refusal he gave Jack.

Ennis thought about tomorrow, and the day after, and more, when he'd be back in Riverton to collect his last wages from the foreman, to look for another job, to sleep alone in a small bed. He compared those images with the reality of having Jack, here and now.

"I can't lose you again." There, he had said it, with the help of the darkness and of a Mexican bar.

In the end it wasn't so difficult and considering the way Jack's hand was stroking his face, it was a good choice.

"I know. Me, neither." A murmur. Jack still found it hard to believe, but he prayed that those last words were true.

"Gotta find a way to fix this."

"Ennis, I'll do everything in my power for you. Just don't hide.." Jack stopped to find the right words and not hurt his lover . "..behind the past."

"Lost my job coming here, got fired after three years without a day off, not for illness, not for family."

"We can find you another."

"But there is still the child support. It's $250 a month."

"I'll lend you something...no wait!" Jack felt the tension in Ennis immediately. "You'll pay me back as soon as you start working again. $10 dollars a month, it's a loan, ok?"

"Only ten?"

"Prefer twenty? Let's make it twenty. Not a big deal for me friend."

They felt a little silly talking about loans without plans for the big issues, but it was a start. Jack avoided putting much pressure on Ennis, in the space of few hours his life had changed so much and hope for the future had returned. He kissed Ennis' forehead and cuddled him back to sleep.

Jack remained awake for a while, expecting Ennis' body to tremble and shake during a nightmare, like had happened a few times when they camped together.

Although Ennis had admitted his need a few minutes ago, it was only the first step. Now, together, hidden by the night, nobody around, Ennis wasn't afraid, but real life, with its lights, voices, people, was waiting for them in the morning.

He took Ennis' left hand and kissed the ring finger, where there was a spot of skin more tender.

"I love you Cowboy," he said softly. " Please trust me and it will be all right."

Ennis woke again at dawn; it felt so good to rest in each other's arms. Jack was awake staring at him, propped on his elbow.

"I'm thinking to move to my parents' house soon, after starting the divorce," Jack stated. "The problem is you cannot live too far from the girls, can you?"

"Jack they are the only good part ..."

"I know Cowboy. I'm not asking you to choose between me and them."

It would be his hardest choice, the one that would break – had already broken – his heart in two pieces. Ennis thanked Jack with a soft kiss for understanding him so well.

"So I must move. Thinking about my folk's place for this summer, if the divorce goes well. You can come with me if you want. The house is really in the middle of nowhere, only two other farms around, Jones' six miles south and another ranch eight miles east. The nearest town is as big as a mousehole."

He added purposely the details of the neighbourhoods to ease Ennis' fear of being seen and judged by people.

"We should buy new stock and prepare everything for the next year, you could go to the livestock shows to choose the animals."

"But will your father agree?"

Jack wasn't listening. "We could save a lot of money there. I have my own savings and I think I'll get some from Lureen but it will not last forever. We could build a small cabin for us with room for the kids when they visit. We will tell people we are old friends, both divorced and saving money."

Jack's practical side mixed with the dreamer's dreams; he wondered how many nights he had laid beside Lureen with eyes open and mind flying over open skies, planning for another life.

Jack seemed happy to abandon his former life, like a reptile changing his skin, while Ennis was still disturbed by remorse and guilt regarding his daughters.

So he tried again to make Jack more reasonable, his voice unsteady but strangely happy, because the temptation to jump into Jack's idea - like they did from a rock into the cool lake during the first summer - was so strong and appealing.

"Yes, but how will your parents see us?"

"I'm not gonna to tell them what we do together and I don't care at all what they think! Fuck, it's our business ... Dad better keep quiet, I told you the place is quite deserted, if he shouts nobody will hear him. But the ranch comes from Ma's family and it needs so much work. We will all be too tired to argue much. And Lureen will let me see Bobby easier if I live with his grandparents. Ma will be so happy."

Ennis agreed for the moment – there would be time in the morning to discuss again - and let himself be cradled in Jack's optimistic vision. If it was a dream, he didn't want to be woken up for the moment.

The skin of the arm he was holding was warm, Ennis started moving his hand up and down, feeling heat and softness beneath.

He murmured in Jack's ear words that sounded like "babe" and "darling". Jack knew his man well enough not to make further inquiries.

Instead he moved a little closer so their bodies were touching perfectly; Ennis licked and kissed the inside of his lover's arm.

Jack pushed Ennis to his back, putting his head just above the heart he loved the most. It was beating strong and secure, the rhythm increased when Jack opened Ennis' fly and an eager hand found heated flesh, glistening on the head.

Jack went for a slow hand job, using time to touch every inch of Ennis' dick the way Ennis liked best. Ennis took his jaw, signalling Jack to look at him. The faint light from the window was enough to reveal the pleasure over the man's face. Only Jack could touch him in such an intimate way. Ennis lifted up his face and searched the other's man mouth. They kissed slowly at first, then faster in time with Jack's rhythm.

Soon hips started moving and Ennis released his seed.

"Turn around." He said after catching his breath a little.

Jack complied without hesitation and lowered his jeans.

Nowadays they often remained face to face while making love, but Jack sensed that it was a sort of repetition of their first time ever, with less rush and more warmth, always with the same passion. Ennis kissed the back of his lover, used his tongue to lick every point of the spine, marvelled at how perfect it was, how bones and muscles melded together, forming that unique creation that was Jack.

He found himself hard again soon, ready to caress, touch, kiss, knead and finally enter his lover. His fingers opened the way as gently as possible without the help of a lube. It was like coming home, being surrounded by an intense heat, feeling every part of Jack not as a separate entity, but as a part of himself. He and Jack, one.

Jack cursed himself for being so stupid; he travelled so far with the idea to fuck a stranger when all he needed was in the usual place, above and around him. His good luck had protected him again, because in Mexico the chance of losing Ennis forever had never been so close.

They made love in silence, some tears spilled from Jack's eyes when he felt Ennis explode inside him shortly after his own release. After, both spent, they kissed softly stroking each other's face, before sleep captured them again.

They woke up together, late in the morning; there were sounds in the alley, floor maids were cleaning everywhere. Ennis' perfect inner clock - which allowed him to be always on time for work - was for once in his life not working. His head was spinning and for a second he didn't realise what had happened.

He had dreamed a lot, the kind of dreams he dared to remember only during their first summer, when the rest of the world always vanished in Jack's arms. But the reality was Jack at his side, carefully looking at his face, smoking a cigarette.

Jack knew Ennis had not agreed yet about living together in Lightning Flat. Time to continue his effort to persuade him.

He imagined he'd need lot of time, maybe months, to persuade Ennis to open up a little more. The first thing now was to be closer, separated by less than 14 hours of driving.

When they'd be in Wyoming, freed from wives and former bonds, Jack was sure to win over Ennis' fears and insecurities.

"It will not be easy, I know. My Dad can be impossible. We'll need time. If you want to remain in Riverton I'd be nearer, we could meet more often. Try to solve the situation."

Ennis took his time before answering, looking deep in his man's eyes. He found respect, love and devotion within, mixed with a special strength, the one reserved for those Jack really loved. Ennis was proud to be so important for Jack,

"Okay, I'll do my best. Can't manage another trip like this for you. Beside I got no work and I need money soon, so for the moment - if you swear to keep your mouth closed with your Pa about our situation - I'll take the kind offer of Mr. Twist Junior."

"My hero. Let's see if Dad figure it out by himself, okay?"

"Okay. One more thing Jack."

"Go on."

"A promise. No more Mexico. Can't bear it. And no mention of this trip to your folks up there." Ennis was damned serious and Jack sensed his mood.

It was time to start anew and forget old mistakes, so he agreed easily. He imagined Ennis' quiet attitude compared to his father's harsh behaviour. Life as a family in Lightning Flat would be a little difficult, especially the first weeks, but it was worth trying. Jack wondered why he had never asked Lureen and Bobby to go live in Lightning Flat. Apart from Lureen's angry reaction at the idea of leaving Texas and her work, that was the only home Jack had. A home to share only with a true love.

"Promised! But only if it all goes well we'll live there, if not, we'll try to buy our own place, maybe something smaller."

Jack was aware of hard times for them, living with his parents. The notion of having Ennis so close and yet so far away was disturbing: how could they even kiss - let alone consider making out, an idea too dangerous - under Twist Sr's intense gaze?

"We'll see. So you'll go back to Childress now?"

"Gotta talk to Lureen. Give me ten days and I'll reach you somewhere 'round Riverton, okay? I'll give my Ma a call to advise her we're coming."

Ennis nodded. Ten days, enough time to talk with his girls, empty out the rented room and pack his few belongings.

Jack chose purposely the short period of time to avoid the possibility of a change of mind.

Ennis should be able to find a trailer for his horses, the only important things he had to take with him.

It was decided. Now it was time to leave the room, have breakfast and full the tanks with gas. Time to start living, finally.

Seeing joy and happiness shine in shades of blue was a precious reward for every mile of the road Ennis had travelled and a sweet promise for the return trip.

The end (?)


	7. Chapter 7

**Mexico sequel!**

**Simple alert**

Dear readers, just to let you know that the sequel is now written - 15 pages long but still unfinished, and I hope – thanks to a new Beta – to publish its first chapter as soon as possible.

But I'm getting crazy searching for a title: every idea from You is welcome!!!

Regards, Alex


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